Social Conditioning

A recent daygame session got me thinking about the concept of “warming up” to do sets. This is the theory that if you want to start a productive outing on the streets talking to young females, then you need to warm up, before you actually start doing meaningful approaches. This can be done in a couple of ways:

  1. Walk around and just do a couple of throw away approaches. I often do this my repeating in my head “the first one is the worst one” over and over, until I get up the nerve. This can take a few minutes or even hours.
  2. Hit and run compliments. You walk up to a girl with no intention of having a conversation. “You look really nice today. Have a nice day.” Then walk away. This can the faster route.

Unfortunately, if you are an experienced daygamer, you know that the more common routine is to walk around all day and do nothing. I have spent countless days traversing the streets without talking to anyone. All the common excuses ramble around in my pumped-up brain. In no order of importance:

  1. She looks bitchy
  2. Waking too fast
  3. I should buy new jeans
  4. I need her to make eye contact
  5. I need my wing
  6. too cold, hot, rainy, sunny
  7. Maybe the next block is better
  8. Coffee first
  9. Start over tomorrow
  10. You tube videos will get me charged up

There are more, but you get my drift.

A funny thing happened to my yesterday. Before I even started my session, I was already warmed up. Let me explain.

Sam, a daygame coach in London turned my onto the concept of habitual social interaction during your day, or having conversations with all the people you encounter, and starts with those who serve you. The coffee shop is a good example.

I love coffee shops. They are on every block and they are a great way to get out of my apartment and be around people. For most of my adult life I never greeted the people who served me coffee. I ordered, payed, thanked, then left. Nobody ever knew my name, story, where I was from, nor did I know the same about them. That’s because there was never any conversation.

So I started with a simple exercise. Before I place my order, I smile and ask the person behind the counter, “how is your day going so far?” This is important for a couple of reasons. One, you are probably the only person today who asked that question. Most people don’t care about the day of the guy or girl serving them coffee. They just want their coffee. So it makes that person feel good, which in reciprocates and does the same for you. Second, it gives you social proof in whatever venue you are in. If the people sitting down hear this interaction, you are perceived as a high status male with social skills. So if there is a girl sitting down that you would like to talk to, you already have a higher perceived value, and it will be easier to start a conversation. Third, you start doing this wherever you go, not just in coffee shops. The dry cleaner, bank, supermarket, elevator are all good examples. Greeting people or asking about their day becomes a habit without even thinking about. Your day become social and interactive.

Getting back to daygame.

My session yesterday started the moment I walked out the door and went to my local coffee shop, Variety Coffee on 7th ave. I asked the barista how she was doing, ordered my normal black coffee, then had a chat with another girl working about something that happened in there yesterday. After I sat down, two cute tourist girls who heard the whole thing were standing there, so I spoke to them about buying a whole new wardrobe when you come on a cold weather trip (they were from Australia).

The point of the story is that this social scene in the coffee shop was actually my daygame warmup. By the time I started my session that afternoon, I had already spoken to a few people, so I was ready to start with girls. No warm up sets, no hit and runs, no walking around for hours. As soon as I walked out the door, I was ready.

My stats for the day were impressive. I did at least 10 sets, had 5 or 6 normal conversations, and I even had the salesman in the Nike Store laughing out loud at a joke I made about some sneakers.

From now on I plan on starting every day in a social way, whether I plan on daygamig or not. At least this way I will always be ready.

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